Seeking God, and getting distracted.

A quick question to my fellow easily distracted Christ-seekers: How have you handled your deficits in attention affecting your relationship with God?

Here are some of my issues. I get distracted when I pray. I HATE getting distracted when I pray. Granted, this is generally only a problem when I pray silently, so maybe the answer is to try praying aloud more often. But I think we can all agree that there are some circumstances where praying aloud just isn't an option. But, here's the greater depth in the dilemma. Private prayer is a one-on-one conversation with the Creator of the universe - God the almighty and all powerful, Ruler of angels and hearts of men and of the mountains and grass of the earth and of animals and rain storms and sunshine - who happens to also be a personal friend of mine. How on earth do I get distracted? It is such an incredible thing that we can do. To just talk to someone like Him, whenever we want. I want to be so present in that conversation. But I always get distracted. I could be pouring my heart out to God, then all of a sudden find myself daydreaming about a conversation I may or may not have with a friend 10 years from now. That is totally not an exaggeration at all. It actually happens all the time. Prayer is so real and God is so present. It's like going on a car ride with God, just to talk.

           My friends and I have this little beach off the bay we like to go to just to talk. Sometimes we get out and sit on the swings, or take our shoes off and walk up to where the water meets the sand when it's warm, but most of the time we just sit in the car with the headlights on the water and talk. I like to think of praying like little beach conversations with God. Yea of course I get distracted when I talk to my friends. But when I lose my train of thought in those conversations, it just leads the conversation elsewhere. In fact it usually leads it into even deeper conversation, just onto a topic different than originally intended. I think prayer like that is awesome. When we pray without boundaries and let ourselves go off on tangents with God, we can end up laying down before Him doubts, praises, and baggage we hadn't before. Which is pretty much what I do with my friends at the beach. Sometimes prayer does happen like that for me. But my issue is that quite often I get distracted in a way that's not like I'm talking to my Friend, but like I'm talking to myself. It makes me so upset because I know that I'm not talking to myself. I am so not alone. God is so very much with me, all the time and when I pray. Sometimes I think I just need a deeper relationship with God, (which is true of all of us, no matter where we stand) and that when I get a deeper understanding of how great He is, it will be impossible for me to get distracted while I pray. That may or may not be true, but in the meantime, I'm still struggling.

And that kinda sorta brings me to my next point. I want very badly to have a deeper relationship with God, but have yet to find a system of bible reading and quiet time that I can stick to. Yes, I'm young, and have lots of time to figure these things out. But considering I have only 18 (almost 19!) years to speak of, I've spent many of them seeking God. (Not only that, but with as little life as any of us have here, I'd hate to waste any of it.) I've tried a million and 5 different approaches to bible reading. But no study book, topic series, or book of the bible seems to change the fact that I forget to read it. All the time. In terms of quiet time/devotions, early this past summer, a good friend of mine suggested journaling to God. It was genius. I loved it and it worked well. I'd arrive at my summer camp job 5 or 10 minutes early (which, if you know me at all, you know is a miracle only possible by the power of God), I'd journal, then I'd clock in. As wonderful as it was, there were two problems.
1) There is absolutely no way 5 or 10 minutes could possibly ever be enough time to spend with God.
2) Summer camp ended.
That journal has been in my trunk ever since. God has been teaching me so much just through living life every day, and through awesome new experiences. But I want to know His Word and to have it to answer questions and address doubts and to guide me as I attempt to figure life out. But I only really have it if I read it.

If you refer back to the top of this post, you'll see that I said I had a "quick" question to ask. That was a lie. This was not quick, and actually much longer than intended. So I'll close with this; I know that God was very intentional with the way that He made me. As He was with all of us. He didn't accidentally make me distracted and absent minded. I know each of my traits has a purpose, and a way to bring God glory. Because of this, I also know that each trait that we think is a flaw is, in fact, not. And rather than trying to fix them or work against them, there are ways to use them to our advantage and to God's glory. I'm just kind of at a loss with this one. But I know I'm not the only who struggles to focus; and there are some of you who are like me, except you've overcome a lot of this already. So I have written this blog post, to call together all (or some) of us squirrelly-brained searchers with a passion for God and some struggles in life. So please contemplate, comment, and continue searching.

With Love,
Angela ---->